Be Mindful Within a Distracted World & Live Better

To be mindful instead of mind-full, reactive, or mentally absent is a worthwhile challenge. A busy world has people frenzied, immersed in their tasks, and preoccupied with their next assignments. We all get wrapped up in our doings and miss a lot. Prioritize slowing down to foster a way of being that enriches meaningful living. To be mindful is to taste your food, notice when your friend gets a haircut, or that the mountain laurel on your street has more blooms than last season. Present within our senses, we become conscious of the beauty of simplicity regardless of the complexities of our daily lives. We come to know ourselves, appreciate more, and live better.

The Least Likely Person to Be Mindful

Just before I began writing, I discovered I’d lost the phone I had in my hand for the last half hour. It didn’t hide under the couch or place itself atop the refrigerator, yet I was searching… 10 minutes turned into a half hour, and still no phone. I’m watching our puppy Lucy and asking her for help. I feel ridiculous that I’m about to write this article, and my phone has vanished! After much searching, I surrendered. It’s lost forever. I sit on the toilet to pee, accompanied by Lucy, who sweetly places her head on my thigh.

As I relaxed into that moment, I turned my head and noticed my phone on the windowsill, hidden behind a sheer curtain. It became apparent that I have no business writing a blog on mindfulness.

Multitasking is the enemy of mindfulness

Before the disappearance, my consciousness flitted about in many corners of my mind. I was looking at rugs and curtains on Marketplace, keeping an ear out to see that Lucy was chewing on her bone and not on the carpet while intermittently playing a game of solitaire. Multitasking and going through the motions without being altogether present was an art I perfected as a child. As an adult, I’ve learned to check in with myself regularly to ensure I haven’t drifted too far.

Innate Challenges to Mindfulness

My younger self spent little time mentally present on the Earth plane, preferring instead to float above my physical form in an ethereal realm. The world was a sensory overload I needed to escape. Mental checkout was a survival strategy and a tool to entertain other realities. Some of this was a dissociative response to trauma, but much of my mental absence came from an innate inclination toward being of the mind. Quick minds often overthink, and this troubled mental world is oddly addictive.

Convinced some condition makes it impossible to develop mindfulness skills? If so, I’d like to tell you about exploding eggs and burnt kettles. Let’s just say I’ve had to scrub eggs off my ceiling more than once because I couldn’t prepare lunch without engaging in other tasks. Yes, eggs explode! Mental check out resulted in many burnt kettles; after the third one, I hid them from my daughter.

Learning to be mindful has come hard-earned. It’s taken many years of commitment to self-compassionately accepting my natural inclinations to be embodied to a greater degree. One precious moment at a time. To be mindful, I practice it and forgive myself when I can’t.

A Familial History of Mindless Eating: Learning to be Mindful with Food

Over time, I’ve realized my struggle to be mindful while eating. People would remark how fast I’d eaten. “You must have been hungry!” Food has always been an ancestral tool for emotional numbing (Read more about that in My Secret Sugar Addiction). Sometimes overeating happened when I realized I’d never wholly tasted all the yummy food I worked so hard to prepare. Belly full, yet unsatisfied, because I’d missed the better part of the pleasure of the dopamine rush. It forces a moment of mindfulness with the last bites of food. Then there’s a sudden apprehension to show up and relish the remaining morsels, so you can honestly say you liked it.

When I practiced mindful eating with my family, I found myself disgusted by the way they inhaled their meals. It’s funny how we’re repelled by what others do that we no longer do. I know my vulnerabilities and inclinations, so why can’t they? It presents interesting challenges to my mastery of mindful eating. I have trained my inner voice to remind me to slow down, chew, and breathe. Family members sometimes notice my deliberate attention to eating and they encourage me to get seconds.

Ardent and Reactive Role Models

Emotional extremes were commonplace in my family, so it’s no surprise I viewed emotional detachment and calmness as fakery. Emotional reactivity seemed more authentic. No one has to say, Tell us how you feel! The problem is emotionality creates a single focus and a narrow lens. Emotional distraction prevents us from seeing other viewpoints and from perceiving more than what is visible. It thwarts our efforts to be mindful. At times, it blocks our joy.

Having someone model mindfulness or emphasize the value of presence is helpful. Let us be those role models for future generations. The psychological consequences of a familial history afflicted by struggle demand we take the lead in shifting an old story to one of mindful living. Your children and your children’s children needn’t carry the wounds of the past into the present. Read more: Ancestral Healing for Intentional Living.

What I’ve Learned From Checked-out to Checked-in

“Triggered” Is Another Enemy of Mindfulness

The word triggered suggests someone or something outside of yourself has the power to incite an undesirable reaction. Doesn’t that make you want to reclaim that power? To be mindful suggests you have more awareness of your patterns towards reactivity. With self-knowledge and the ability to see beyond the bait that denotes a single reality, you will maintain your equanimity. A mindful mind has the potential to transform triggered into emboldened, enlivened, and fortified.

To be mindful, not even necessarily calm, but non-reactive and present, is dignified. The greater your success with this mastery, the better you see the value of making mindfulness a priority.

To Be Mindful Means to Be Patient

Acknowledge others’ limitations and be mindful when they resist change and revert to old patterns. It’s an opportunity to practice allowing others to do and be without offering your unsolicited critique or imposing unrealistic expectations. Let it highlight what you admire in yourself so you may focus on all you are instead of all that someone else is not. Accept yourself and your circumstances with self-compassion when you feel inadequate or behind. Let those feelings prompt you to view others’ growth as inspiration for your potential.

When you feel impatient with people who struggle to be present in the way you want or expect:

• Become aware of the old stories you tell yourself that place a familiar unpleasant lens on present reality.
• Choose mindfulness practices over mental preoccupation.
• Devote special attention to yourself and tune into your presence to find peace and healing. (Read more: Your Higher Self, Master Your Divining Rod)

Be Mindful When Your Inner World Prevents You From Seeing The Outer World

Self-absorbed drivers: They’re everywhere! Decide not to be one. A driver of an obnoxiously expensive car with Connecticut plates careens down Main Street in Northfield. Pedal to the metal, they’re lost in their agenda without awareness that they are not traveling on a major highway but driving by people’s homes through a small rural town with a speed limit. Consumed by their focus on reaching a destination and unconscious of where they are, their surroundings go unnoticed.

If this were to occur in a Vermont town, you’d hear grumbles about the flatlanders speeding through, disregarding the locals. When I lived in Vermont, I’d just moved from the Boston area. Native Vermonters would offer the cliched observation: “You’re not from around here, are you?” I drove way too fast. I had little patience, especially on the roadways- my mind wrapped up in some anticipation or angst from the past. During my first six months living in Vermont, I got two speeding tickets after never having one. I found myself in a different culture that valued presence and patience far more than one’s sense of entitlement to reach a destination as quickly as one wanted.

Today, an entire generation is unaware of their struggle to be mindful because they believe their lives are outside themselves, not where they are, but in a digital world. This difficulty differs from the survival wiring of our ancestors. Cell phones and movie screens in cars vie for the attention of their drivers with social media notifications and texts urgently responded to as if they were sick children. There is a reason for the ‘Motorcycles are Everywhere’ signs. It is a reminder to prioritize presence while driving and not to be a jerk. I forgive myself now for being one of them. Distracted driving has real consequences for everyone.

The ‘Bone’ or Bait: Be Mindful, Don’t Bite the Plastic!

A mindfulness technique that compares a dog’s mind to that of a lion, suggests the dog has a single focus while the lion sees beyond the lure of distraction, allowing it to observe the bigger picture.

Puppy energy wants the bone, wants the toy, and right now! It’s ridiculous to think I can divert Lucy’s attention away from her fixations unless I can replace it with another better fixation. People are also like that –especially in an activated and unconscious state. The world could be crashing down around them, yet they see just what preoccupies their minds. What is apparent to everyone else passes over them.

A Funny Thing About Perceived Intelligence

We can’t analyze or discern what we don’t notice. Many people with all the marks of intelligence miss quite a bit! Or their single focus inhibits understanding other incongruent information, even when it’s not that complex. The baby is crying because he’s teething, or the barrel is empty because there’s a hole in it. We often overlook simple things like this. Our intelligence measures aren’t a gauge of mindfulness or kindness, for that matter. Ironically, some of the most mindful people I’ve met have below-average intelligence.

Just the other day my developmentally disabled clients noticed I was wearing a new shirt, that the interior of my car was messy, and that one of their peers was having a hard time and why. A local man who rides his bike through town daily, a keen observer of his community, mindfully notices things that even business owners miss. You may dismiss this and say they can be mindful because they live simply. There is something to be said for that. (Other thoughts on that, read more: Sign of Intelligence? Perception Vs Truth).

What’s it Worth? Peace of Mind (Patience & Presence) Versus the Bone

At 3 am, our cats are starving and must eat as soon as possible. My cat Riley used to eat my plants and chew on plastic in the middle of the night because he knew this would rush along my waking and mean he would get food earlier. Do you chase the bones of instant gratification? Are you baited into thoughts that stem from reactivity? To be mindful, we must catch ourselves when this happens.

How do you try to rush things along? Attachment to having a desired outcome faster is the energy of force that stalls the natural flow that comes from your presence. At any moment, you can check in to see where you are. Sense the difference. One fills your mind and takes you further from the present moment, dulling your senses and never leading to clarity. The other feels grounded and relaxed, allowing for deeper knowing and expanded perspectives to come into being.

Don’t Bite The Plastic!!

Be like the lion and widen your lens. Don’t believe the lies that convince you to chase a thought that doesn’t feel good. Resist the bait that beckons you to focus on a quick fix. Regardless of what is happening in other places in your life, or the greater world, decide to to experience each moment fully. You needn’t carry the emotions associated with a situation, person, or event to your next location. Be mindful to recognize when your mental filter darkens your view, like a drop of ink that discolors the whole pitcher.

Knowing the importance of the role of mindfulness in your life will help you make it a priority.

Clients and friends who know me now comment on how present I am. I’ve made it a habit to be mindful and embodied in connections with others. I also allow time for mental wanderings. Old patterns may still resurface, but I know my tendencies and vulnerabilities. By slowing down, we can connect with those who need us. Animals need us too. Our precious animal companions’ lives are short and they have much to teach us about being mindful.

Be Mindful Because Life is Fragile

When you have free time, how are you spending it? Are you fretting away? Drop into where you are to make the best use of your time, no matter what distraction baits you into another reality. This approach to being mindful helps you experience greater fulfillment.

At this time in my life, I know the value of my presence. Every day, I intend to be mindful of how I show up for my important people. Each day is different. Where will I choose to go? Who else needs my presence? Who else needs yours? You will know more as your mindfulness increases. It’s the mental absence that steals the moment and our awareness. These moments won’t come again in the same form. Each encounter has the potential to be the last of its kind. It’s a somber and yet empowering realization.

There is no greater gift than your presence.

The Beauty of Ice-Cold Squishers

Fully present, grounded, and tapped into my senses, each step across the cold wet lawn releases more icy cold wetness into my socks. My retired work sneakers, now my designated beater sneakers, have a tear on the upper left side that allows copious amounts of frigid water to saturate the liner. With each step upon the waterlogged squisher, my feet lose more of their heat and blood flow. It’s colder than expected and my attire is less than adequate to keep warm on our morning walk.

Not long before numbness sets in, my mind centers on the desire to hurry and return to the house. Lucy has other plans and is stalking moths with fervor. I’ve decided to name my wet, bone-chilling sneakers Ice Cold Squishers to remind me I have a choice at this moment. I can befriend my distraction, give it a fond name, and be mindful to stay present.

Reluctantly, I accept my discomfort.

The air is crisp, and the dawning day is captivating with its faded remnants of starlight. Lucy dances, to her delight. The cold soppiness around my feet is tingling and peculiar, yet not intolerable. In a newfound ease of presence, I acknowledge I’m fortunate that I didn’t allow the squisher distraction to derail my mindfulness during these moments. Living our best life means we capture many of these brief twinkles and flashes of goodness. Remember where you are, tune in, and stay there to grab them.

Please visit my Coaching Service’s page for more information or contact me to book an appointment for support with how to develop mindfulness. Are you looking to upgrade your personal spaces to help you boost your mindfulness practices? Find me here: Estelle Bonaceto. There’s hope for all of us in this distracted world. Lead by example and live better.